Friendly reminder that sexual empowerment for women means having our sexual desires catered to. Catering to men’s sexual demands by being the ‘pure virgin’ or the 'liberated wh*re’ is not sexual empowerment, it is the norm.
Nobody asked but I’m gonna write about me in particular anyway.
Growing up in the most metropolitan city in India in the 21st century has its unique experiences. It means I’ve got Boomers and GenXers feeding you conservative, nationalist, sexist and religious ideas — porn is bad, masturbation is bad, dating is bad, you should cover yourself lest you tempt men, sexual desire is a sin, you should marry an upper caste Hindu Indian man of your parents’ choice and have lots of babies, women who aren’t virgins are damaged goods, don’t be a wh*re, prostitutes are sick women, be a pretty girl and lovely wife, and so on.
Meanwhile I’ve got Millennials and GenZers feeding me some neoliberalist, post-feminist and post-modernist ideas — porn is great, sexually objectifying yourself is empowering, don’t be a prude, be kinky, participate in violent male fantasies, send nudes for free, or sell nudes for money, be the cool girl, have one-night stands, have anal sex, prostitution is sex work, always be sexually appealing, and so on.
Both of these views scared me. I dreaded the day I’d get my period, because I thought I’d have to be 'the pure virgin’ to please my family, 'the cool sl*t’ to fit in with classmates or else I’d be hated or worse, I’d be invisible.
Luckily I found (radical) feminism. I got to read books by radical feminists older than me, I got to read first person accounts of women and girls experiencing similar things. I know what men want, I know why they want it, I know what I’m taught to want, I know why I’m taught to want it, I know it’s okay to not want it. I get to take a step back and finally think 'What do I want?’
I want to masturbate whenever the hell I want, I want to date a man who I find sexually attractive, someone who adds to my life, someone who cares about my pleasure and gives me multiple orgasms, someone who would never ask for something I’m not interested in. I want a monogamous relationship. I want the man to be responsible for contraception. I want access to abortion should contraceptives fail. I want to never worry about sexual assault. I don’t ever want to be sexually objectified. This is what sexual empowerment is.
Now you might wonder, well there’s no way I’m gonna get what I want. And you’re right. I can’t ever be fully sexually empowered in a male supremacist society. But at least I now know what I want, I can refuse to cater to men sometimes if not always, I can express dissatisfaction at the current state of the things and know it is not my fault. I can hope that there next generation of women will know sexual empowerment.
